Idenity Over Security

Have you ever reached a moment when you hit a point where you can’t figure out exactly what you really want any more in life? Just because everything is not working.

Generations to generations, a few influential individuals costumed a trend on what we should want. And as human know ledged increases, this so called “illuminated ones’’ tend to outshine the truth by tampering it with a more sophisticated diagram of human needs pleasing to the eyes. Dozens of self-help authors came out and dominated our bookshelves, conveying the good news that everything in life can be achieved if we just work hard. But human frailties do exist, and when it happens and we didn’t get what we hoped for, an emphasis of failure is placed upon our forehead. Stuck in a traffic of disbelief, or thinking of parking in a cheap bar, considering for a moment of amnesia.
This psychological virus was created and deeply analyzed for a long time now, and is going with the trend so that no one could escape its claws. And its design is for us to end up having an ample time of questioning. Asking why our needs were not provided, why were people got killed, and why the strong dictates what the weak should do. At this point, an issue of trust to the one who provides arises.

Originally, we don’t need anything. God provided everything we need in the garden; even knowing what’s good from evil. Since we were God’s special beings, our security is assured. But were were fed with a possible shift of thinking that we can be more than this. Opening an opportunity of needing something to aim a served objective.
Now, all of us could agree that indeed we really need something. Food, a roof and a name. And the more the world gives highlight to these things, we find ourselves longing for more feeding our insatiable desires. Why do we need? Why do we need more? Is it discontentment? Or insecurity? Our world today is full of worldly-driven organisms, whose passion is to gain and gain more. We were defined as such, for greatness, for fame, and power. But do these things define us?
The enemy wants us to feel the need for more. Because he knows since we are not going anywhere, we will question God. We will demand for an answer to almost anything. And he smiles when we tend to show are backs to God and trying to find a solution on our own. Playing the blame-game and the “how to be your own god.” Brushing off Lordship and salvation aside.

The reality is the enemy came up with a cover up. Letting us see the superficial without trying to know the deeper root of the matter- Identity. We were bombarded with the need for provision, protection and position. But we were called heirs of God. For an earthly prince would not think of these things, for he knows that he has the authority over the treasures of the kingdom, and his security and position is fortified with the reality that as long as his father sits on the throne, he will always be the prince. What more that our Heavenly Father forever will be sitting on the throne in heaven. Our identity is the key that unlocks prosperity and freedom. The adversary even started questioning Jesus with “If you are the Son of God…” and then offering the sumptuous wealth of the earth. But He knows His position, that’s why He can confidently say “I AM.”

At the start and all throughout till the end of the day, remind yourself of your position. He is the Great I Am… and you’re the son and daughter of the one who said “I AM.”

Beloved, you must remember the enemy will use any opportunity he can to rob your future and your hope (John 10:10).

Believing Again

I was there watching as the crowd lift their hands up in worship. Spectating at the back, I listened and stared at a familiar gesture I used to do. Finding myself getting over with it. Why? I don't know, it seems that the past few months been hard to me. Seeping all my faith, my hope and my dreams to be better, for this life to be good.

He was encouraging everyone to open their hearts and lift a voice of praise. But here my heart is already open, but I bet He can't find any faith in here. All the miseries I've gone through. Though, I can still say I am here alive, barely surviving the battles of life. But no strength to have faith again in life.

Then there was silence....

All of the things that happened the past weeks suddenly flashed before me. Piling bills to pay,  a call from the company telling me that i was fired, a knock from the landlady saying that I have to move out at the end of the week if i can't pay the rent and a message from my girlfriend saying that our relationship is not going to work anymore. Oh well! I say, since nothings working, why should i still hope for something.. It will still not work.

Then the guitarist strums little notes....

A question came over me. If I sing now, will my problems go away? My life is a wreck. I don't know my purpose. I don't know now what to do. I'm not good at anything. Biblically speaking, I am stuck at this valley surrounded maybe with an endless wilderness. I need magic...no I need a miracle. 

The marching drums started rolling...Everyone was singing...I was not annoyed, but it was too loud then. But yet, I was hearing something else....a voice... "Be still...believe."

I was used to this valley, why should I move. There's nothing out there anyway. But if i will not walk, I will rot at this place. It’s not that I was hoping for something to happen, but well, if I die, I’ll die trying. So I got up, and was trying to pass through the people. It was an altar call. 

God I definitely don't have anything to offer even a single penny. But only this simple phrase In my mind that is so valuable to me- "I lift my hands to believe again." People started lifting their hands up over addictions, over cancer, above lost, depression, stress, and over almost everything. For me....of disbelief. Then there was peace.
Four years after that night, now I am standing in front of the same church, not for another rescuing. But telling people that they need some. That exact night, maybe like other people today, all the needs unmet are pounding them to the ground. And as they were passing through those valleys, all they see are the lies, depression and hopelessness around, not on what lies ahead. Yes, I need money, security and love that time, but It's not something that I need that moment. I realize it was faith. I was asking for miracle, i expected for food, but it's for the hungry. I expected for water, but it's for the thirsty. I expected for sleep, but it was for the weak. But I was asking for miracle, and what I need is to believe.. Only believe.

All the prophecies, the promises, the hope, the future... all by and through faith. Those valleys where not meant for us to stay. We were meant to pass through it. He will not leave us there; He will lead us to pass through it. Now, I am joyful believing again. They say happiness is a choice. Yes, and staying depressed and not hoping for a better life is also a choice.  Definitely believing in His love and grace is the best choice.

That time, there were two who stood in front at the call. Me and a very wonderful lady who became the mother of my two little angels. 

Reaching You

I walked into the room. And quietly took my steps toward the bed. And there I saw her lying peacefully. It was so quiet that I can only hear my heartbeat. I reached to her cold hands. One thing I desire that instant as i rub her fingers again and again- to warm them. But seems futile. The tears that run down to my cheeks into her skin made a thud of weakness inside me. The agony that i never wished to happen. This cry inside my heart, if only in a certain point of volume could awaken her. Can this voice still reach her? Can i still hear her? Even just for a while....

Left behind

I find moving forward a strange art. Seems like people move so quickly from one phase to another while I often stop and spend ample time in each period.  I think one of the reason why after all these time I often find myself alone back there. Was I the only one who knows how to treasure more some moments? Embracing the fact that as people pass by so fast, seeing myself left behind is a common picture. 

Like a straight streak of light they go. Dozens of beams all around me.

I am now In fear that one day i'll find myself all alone; making the place I use to know a strange place.

Decorated Coffin

I kept on staring at a white cottony coffin. Decorated with a variety of flowers in different colours. Suddenly, I was faced with a fact that I have never thought of preparing my own funeral. Now, I am seeing myself in my mind browsing over the web differrnt kinds of coffin. The right colour, texture and design. A total comfort for me and the eyes of the people around.

But as the pastor ministered the Word. I was brought back to the realization of the true comfort that I should think of. My real home, not my decaying body, but my soul's future residence. My coffin could be the best in the world. It may be flowered expensively and elaborately but if my soul is unsure of where it would be, then would it be meaningless then?

The greatest thing that could happen in my funeral day should be seeing myself in the arms of my creator. As Jesus weepingly excited as He widely opening His home for me. My new home- in His loving arms.

Everything is Meaningles

What's the use of all the riches I gain and all the wisdom I now had. All will be useless now when I face the end. I can carry nothing in my hands as I pass from these world to the next. All the efforts I did, the sleepless nights and the perseverance I exerted. I can bring nothing with me. For on the day of judgment, what I can show is not what's in my hand. It all boils down to what I have in my heart. Is Jesus here inside? Is the Son there inside of you. And when He whisper to you the news of a life after this, what did we respond? What did i say? What did you say?

Well, It's hard. To surrender, knowing what lies beyond the bars. But there's a different kind of surrender He is talking about. Where when you lift your hands up, the chains will never be yours again, all the records you had, the shame and the condemnation will be taken away from you. If you will just choose to surrender, to lift your hands up and have that kind of faith that after this darkness lies a hope of reborn. And all this brokeness and heaviness will forever be removed away. No more tears, no more pain, no more sorrow. If you will just believe.