Believing Again

I was there watching as the crowd lift their hands up in worship. Spectating at the back, I listened and stared at a familiar gesture I used to do. Finding myself getting over with it. Why? I don't know, it seems that the past few months been hard to me. Seeping all my faith, my hope and my dreams to be better, for this life to be good.

He was encouraging everyone to open their hearts and lift a voice of praise. But here my heart is already open, but I bet He can't find any faith in here. All the miseries I've gone through. Though, I can still say I am here alive, barely surviving the battles of life. But no strength to have faith again in life.

Then there was silence....

All of the things that happened the past weeks suddenly flashed before me. Piling bills to pay,  a call from the company telling me that i was fired, a knock from the landlady saying that I have to move out at the end of the week if i can't pay the rent and a message from my girlfriend saying that our relationship is not going to work anymore. Oh well! I say, since nothings working, why should i still hope for something.. It will still not work.

Then the guitarist strums little notes....

A question came over me. If I sing now, will my problems go away? My life is a wreck. I don't know my purpose. I don't know now what to do. I'm not good at anything. Biblically speaking, I am stuck at this valley surrounded maybe with an endless wilderness. I need magic...no I need a miracle. 

The marching drums started rolling...Everyone was singing...I was not annoyed, but it was too loud then. But yet, I was hearing something else....a voice... "Be still...believe."

I was used to this valley, why should I move. There's nothing out there anyway. But if i will not walk, I will rot at this place. It’s not that I was hoping for something to happen, but well, if I die, I’ll die trying. So I got up, and was trying to pass through the people. It was an altar call. 

God I definitely don't have anything to offer even a single penny. But only this simple phrase In my mind that is so valuable to me- "I lift my hands to believe again." People started lifting their hands up over addictions, over cancer, above lost, depression, stress, and over almost everything. For me....of disbelief. Then there was peace.
Four years after that night, now I am standing in front of the same church, not for another rescuing. But telling people that they need some. That exact night, maybe like other people today, all the needs unmet are pounding them to the ground. And as they were passing through those valleys, all they see are the lies, depression and hopelessness around, not on what lies ahead. Yes, I need money, security and love that time, but It's not something that I need that moment. I realize it was faith. I was asking for miracle, i expected for food, but it's for the hungry. I expected for water, but it's for the thirsty. I expected for sleep, but it was for the weak. But I was asking for miracle, and what I need is to believe.. Only believe.

All the prophecies, the promises, the hope, the future... all by and through faith. Those valleys where not meant for us to stay. We were meant to pass through it. He will not leave us there; He will lead us to pass through it. Now, I am joyful believing again. They say happiness is a choice. Yes, and staying depressed and not hoping for a better life is also a choice.  Definitely believing in His love and grace is the best choice.

That time, there were two who stood in front at the call. Me and a very wonderful lady who became the mother of my two little angels.